Friday, August 26, 2005

I'm gay, you're gay but I'm not okay with you kissing me on the lips - Don't Get Me Started

Okay, what is it that makes gays, even newly met gays want to kiss you on the lips? Thing is I don't know where you've been but I've a pretty good idea of where you've been and I don't want to go there or even contemplate that you've been there yourself so just don't go in for a smooch on the lips, okay? This happened to me recently and I thought what ever happened to the glamour kiss? You know the cheeks (facial) touching and a "smooch" sound in the air now that's a kiss - Don't Get Me Started.

My own mother has never kissed me on the lips, I was educated in the cheek to cheek kiss before I could crawl. A kiss is an intimate thing and who wants to be intimate with their mother? Oedipus be damned!

I get it, it's a sign of affection, acceptance, emotional availability but can also be the sign of an asshole.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a kisser. I like kissing my guy, close friends and my cats but when we've just met, keep your lips off of mine. I'll even accept a kiss on the cheek as a sign of affection for a new acquaintance but in the words of the GoGo's, "My lips are sealed." What's wrong with a nice hug? You can even grind me a bit and I won't be as offended. It's when I see it...those puckered up lips coming at me like a homing missle toward my lips that my fear becomes elevated like the country's terror alert, I think it elevates me from coral to hot pink or something. Suddenly lips are coming my way and I feel like the 6 Million Dollar Man, "chchchchchch" is all I hear and there they are the lips headed my way. Do I turn to try and have it land on the cheek? Is that offensive? Do I try to get all the way to a cheek to cheek? Won't make it, not enough time to make it happen. No time for a McGuyver, "If I only had three packs of chewing gum, a monkey and a salad fork I could..." And then suddenly the lips are on mine. Yuck.

So to all you gays that I most likely will meet - because don't all gays know one another? Please just don't mistake my puckered lips as anything other than a noise maker for when we touch cheeks, they are not seeking your lips. You want my lips we'll have to do more negotiations and you'll have to at least buy me a soy latte. I appreciate you've been through the struggles of coming out to family, friends and society at large but don't get me started on your pain when I'm a short femine Jewish gay man who has been with a 6 foot black man who was once an altar boy for seventeen years - we ARE the poster children for hate crimes! I feel your pain and will gladly listen to your struggles, hug you and be your friend but stay off my lips and don't get me started!


Jennifer said...

It's been almost a month and you haven't posted. I hope you are okay. I love reading your Blog. I hope you post again soon. You make me smile. There is nothing like sarcasm to brighten my day!!!

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