Friday, August 04, 2006

Aquaman coming to the big screen - Don't Get Me Started!

We all know that recently there have been plenty of big budget superhero movies. We also know that they've been doing just okay at the box office. So why for the love of the Justice League would they be talking about creating a new movie featuring one of the extras from Saturday morning super hero shows, Aquaman? Aquaman coming to the big screen - Don't Get Me Started!

I admit, with his boyish good looks and hair that we know his boyfriend (presumably Green Lantern) did on a lark and through some super power has managed to keep Aqua's blonde locks from turning green though he's in the water for hours on end, he's a hunk. But let's talk for a moment about his powers, okay? What can he really do? He can talk to fish. By Triton, he can get all the guppies and even the whales to swim in a synchronized pattern worthy of the Olympics but if an elevated train comes off its tracks or a building is on fire, I think I'd be wanting one of the landlubber heroes coming to my rescue and not the Aqua dude.

In my opinion we're getting a bit oversaturated with the super hero movies. Spiderman for me leads the pack because it actually has great scripts. I'm sure the seven people who saw the X Men movies enjoyed them, I wasn't one of the seven that saw the last two installments. Batman Begins was great acting but isn't Gotham City supposed to be New York and not Bulgaria? Between the Eurpoean sets and the cast from England the most American thing about the movie was Michael Caine (and he's British). The new Superman was so dull that I was busier watching my watch than the movie. Someone please explain to the production team that it's a comic book, not a slice of life drama and kick someone in the kryptonite for the bad casting of the least appealing Lois Lane in recorded history.

I get it, I like the idea Aquaman is no Chicken of the Sea but honestly other than those telepathic waves telling the mackerol where to get off, what can he really do for me? I think I'd prefer a movie of Patrick Duffy reprising his brillance as The Man From Atlantis and honestly, do any of us really want to see that?

No, I say the movie industry has got it wrong this time (and box office receipts would agree with me). But recently I've come across one of the most delicious bits of guilty pleasure that will surely satisfy your super hero needs. Don't miss the SciFi channel's, Who Wants To Be A Superhero? This show not only features Stan Lee, the father of all the really important super heroes, as the host, judge and jury but the cast will slay you. Eleven people were chosen (from I'm sure a million freaks) to compete in a competition where they don't win money but immortality as the winner receives a comic book created with their hero and a SciFi movie. That's right, these people have come up with their own ideas of what a super hero is (and the costumes too). Each week they compete in a super challenge but you find that Mr. Lee is looking more for the pure of heart than if they have x-ray vision. Imagine if you will Aquaman going up against Fat Momma - a super hero who gets her super powers through the doughnuts she eats from her utility belt! Or even Cell Phone Girl, recently eliminated from the show when Mr. Lee informed her that she was out of minutes. While the show does and doesn't take itself too seriously (I know I want my super heroes to have a sense of humor) in its own way it teaches you about human nature, valor and something we're all in need of, more goodwill toward our fellow man.

So I say, "Screw Aquaman" - if we want to see a movie in the water filled with self-indulgence we'll rent Waterworld. Bring on Major Victory who has the catch phrase, "Be a winner, not a weiner!" or Monkey Woman because at least I get what these super heroes are going to do for me. But Aquaman coming to the big screen - Don't Get Me Started!


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